Interracial relationships are still taboo in most of India. Although interracial relationships are becoming more accepted, Indian society has been against them because for so long “Indians have always married Indians.” The refusal to accept interracial relationships has stemmed from the idea that Indian parents are concerned their child will loose their cultural identity once they are married. Indian parents think that once their child meets someone of another race, they will forget about their own culture, values and morals and in a way become “brainwashed.” This is not true, but it is hard for them to see past the differences.
Many Indian families don’t want their children to marry into another race or religion because Indian culture is different from many parts of the world. There are many cultural conflicts, such as language, religion, and food, and it can be difficult to adjust. The biggest worry is the child that comes from this relationship, and whether they will grow up to learn the mother tongue, and how the child will balance two religions. Will the Indian culture even be passed on?
In general in India, most parents try their best to have their son or daughter married to someone from the same region as them, more specifically, maybe even the same caste. But, as times have changed, parents are more open to their children dating and marrying someone from another part of India. Today, more parents are open to dating outside of the Indian bubble, but there are still many parents that oppose their child from dating any other race.
In fact, after reading personal stories about interracial dating, we came to a consensus that a big factor of interracial relationships is India’s deep rooted history of colorism and racism. Parents did not want their child dating a black man or woman because of their darker skin tone and that being with a black person would “degrade” their self worth. This of course is not true, and all these assumptions are built off of historical stereotypes. Parents are afraid that if their child enters a interracial relationship, it will end in a divorce, which will look even worse in their family.
We interviewed two of our readers (Nikhita and Anu) in interracial relationships and asked them a series of questions on cultural differences, acceptance, and “the Indian mindset.”
Nikhita’s parents don’t know that she is in an interracial relationship so we asked her, “If your parents approved of you being in a relationship would they be accepting of a boyfriend of any race?”
She said “They would be accepting of any race, although they may prefer Indians, they don’t mind who I date or marry.”
Anu’s parents are very accepting of her relationship so we asked her, “Did your parents always approve of your relationship and if not what did it take for them to approve of it?
She said “My parents are definitely on the more progressive side, so it was never really the fact that he was a different race to them, but they were scared that a boyfriend would distract me from school and other things. They definitely were not as comfortable around him at first as they are now, and I think that’s because of the amount of time he’s spent with us and they’ve gotten to know him better.”
“How do you explain/share your culture with your boyfriend?” They both stated that their boyfriends are very understanding and interested to learn about their culture. Anu also said that her boyfriend even got an app to learn Telugu by himself. She also said, “We don’t really hide anything so he’s been indulged in the culture from the beginning and learned from that.”
“What are the stereotypes about interracial relationships that you have found to be false?” They said that people often say that there will be a cultural barrier and you will have a hard time understanding the other person but in their experiences it actually makes their relationship more interesting and complex. Also, if the other person truly wants to get to know you they will put effort into learning more about you.
“Why do you think a majority of the desi community isn’t accepting of interracial relationships? How do you think this toxic mindset can be changed?”
Anu said “I think there’s a big stigma around a minority dating a white person in younger people, as we see on social media, it seems as though the POC is the ‘chosen one’ or is lucky to be dating someone White, but when you’re actually in the relationship it’s not thought about like that at all. I think we both feel equally lucky to have each other. For people in our parents' generation, I think they’re worried that we’re giving away a part of our culture if we date someone of another race, but as I’ve seen first hand, most people are open to learning about new cultures, and that shouldn’t be a strain on the relationship at all. I think we are already somewhat getting over this toxic mindset slightly, but obviously it is still there. The best way is to normalize interracial couples in media and not make it some taboo thing. I think giving them more exposure will help people realize that it’s a very normal thing, and everyone should open their eyes to it”.
We are happy that we got to see and share a new perspective from our friends’ responses and we hope that in the future the mindset towards interracial relationships becomes more positive.
Popular on TikTok, Gracy, also known as @indianbratz, is known for her bold personality and kindness. A huge part of her platform is her relationship with her boyfriend, Rob. Gracy has used her platform to normalize interracial relationships, as her boyfriend is Black. Her boyfriend enjoys learning about Indian culture, and is always seen trying traditional Indian food or watching Bollywood movies with Gracy and her family. Gracy has spoken out on her platform about how her parents have always been extremely accepting of her relationship and how they love that her boyfriend takes time to learn about their culture. However, Gracy and Rob have received a large amount of unnecessary backlash from people against their relationship.
Gracy posted on her Instagram saying that many Indian “meme” accounts have been making fun of their relationship, hoping for the couple to react to it. She even mentioned that she has gotten rape threats and her boyfriend has gotten death threats in their direct messages simply because they are in a interracial relationship. She has been told that her parents should be ashamed of their daughter because she is dating a black man and she deserves to be killed. Gracy understands that there will always be people that hate her relationship, but she never realized that it would come to this extent. She hopes that the Indian community can continue to fight racism and colorism and wishes that dating outside of your race will eventually become a normal thing.
Overall, interracial relationships are becoming more accepted especially in the U.S. Many parents are very skeptical in the beginning, but once they learn about their child’s partner and how accepting of the Indian culture they are, we hope they can put their conservative Indian mindset aside. We hope to see interracial relationships/marriage be more accepted in the future and hope that the next generation won’t have to deal with this issue.
Come back next week for our next post on Navaratri!